Often, the changes we desire in our marriages often come when we change. So I wish to ask, “Is your marriage a success, and are you happy with your marriage, and with your spouse”?
Are you glad that you married that man or woman? What many couples don’t realize is that they hold the key to the success (happiness) or failure of their marriage. That is the reason I keep saying that your marriage is as good or bad as you make it.
The problems with some couples are the result of waiting, praying, and expecting their spouses to change, thinking that their marriages will be a success or better if and when their spouse changes.
Some think that the reason for the crises in their marriages was because their spouses refuse to change while, all the while, they are the one that needs to change. Quite often, it is our actions and reactions that influence the actions and reactions of our spouses.
So when we change our actions, attitudes, and the way we react to the actions of our spouses, our marriages will take a new shape and be successful and exciting.
I listened to Pastor Makua Chidiebere of winners chapel preach a message. In that message, he shared a story, about a woman who came to him crying, saying that her husband was a monster and that her marriage was hell on earth.
After counseling her, the same woman after some months later met the man of God, but this time with a different story saying, “I didn’t know that my husband was a loving and caring man” said the woman.
One may be wondering what the Pastor did that transformed the marriage of that woman? According to the Pastor, what he pointed out to that woman was certain things she was doing that she needs to stop and certain things she was not doing that she needed to do.
That is, the Pastor pointed out certain areas she needed to effect change in her marriage. The result was that the moment the woman affected those changes; there was equally a dramatic change in her husband.
Her husband turned from being the monster she described him as before to being a loving and caring husband. This point is an obvious fact; it is our actions that determine the actions and reactions of our spouses.
Another good example was about a man I met some time ago in his office. As I entered his office, I observed that the man was not happy that morning and from my interactions with the man, I found out that he literally raped his wife in the early morning of that day.
According to the man, his wife refused to yield to all the sexual advances and pleas, he got fed up and decided to force himself on his wife. The man yelled at me, saying, “how should I be begging my legally married wife for $ex?”
I told him that what he did was wrong and that I will call it rape, even though they say that a man cannot rape his wife. I told him that there is no smoke without a fire, that there may be something he was doing that made the wife not be interested in satisfying him $exually.
After a section with the man, he came to realize that there are many things he was doing in his marriage, that he doesn’t suppose to be doing, while he failed to do certain things he supposes to do.
That evening, the man bought a flower on his way home. When he arrived home, for the first time, since they got married, he called his wife to apologize to her. The apology was because of what happened in the morning as well as other things he used to do, that the wife did not like.
That evening, he took her out on a date nearby a joint. Incidentally, when they come back in the night, they took their bath and went to bed. Do you know that while they are in bed, it was the wife who reminded the man that if he is still interested in having $ex that she was ready for him?
According to the man, he enjoyed $ex that night more than he ever used to enjoy $ex with her. You see, the change by the woman resulted from the change shown by the man.
That is to say, the changes we desire to see in our spouses are determined by our own changes because of most of the time. It is our own actions that influence the actions of our spouses.
That is the reason it is wrong for you to wait endlessly praying that your spouse to change. No, it is you that needs to change and once you affect the desired change, you will see that your spouse will automatically have a change, this is a proven fact.
In our marriages, areas in which we need to effect changes that may end up transforming our marriages for the better are as follows: First, we need to spend quality time together to build intimacy. Some couples don’t have time for each other and their marriage.
We can impact a change by creating more quality time to spend with our spouses, especially we men. You will see the transformation that will take place in our marriages. Obviously, it is an intimacy that is lacking in many marriages.
Secondly, we need always to practice forgiveness: Often, holding resentment and grudges against our spouses is what brings about some negative actions and reactions against our spouses.
If we change and forgive and forget whatever grudges we may hold against our spouses, we will see our marriages will change for the better. When we change our attitude, it will equally change the actions and reactions of our spouses.
What about satisfying our spouse $exually? Some women are most guilty. Some always use satisfying their husbands $exually as a weapon or a bargaining chip to force their husbands to do their bidding.
The truth is that if we will change and stop attaching any condition, to satisfying our husband $exually, you will see that he will equally change and start to think of pleasing you as well.
Finally, stop waiting for your spouse to change certain actions and lifestyles, rather we need to change the way we react to his or her actions or shortcomings. If we will positively change the way we react, you will observe that he/she will automatically change without his or her knowing it.
In summary, we are holding the master key that opens the door to the success or failure of our marriage, as our marriages are as good or bad as we make them. We should learn to change our actions and reactions, and it will automatically change the actions and reactions of our spouses.
Until I come your way again, stay committed to your marriage. Shalom!.