In this life and in reality, some couples are enjoying their marriages while some are having turbulent marriages. I wish to ask, “ Are you enjoying your marriage or is your marriage a success or a failure?
Are you happy with your marriage and with your spouse”? Are you glad that you married that man or woman? What many couples fail to realize is that they hold the key to the success (happiness) or failure of their marriage. That is why I keep saying it, “your marriage is as good or bad as you make it”.
Problems with some couples is that they are waiting, praying and expecting their spouse to change, thinking that their marriages will be a success when their spouse changes.
Some think that the reason for their marriage crises was because their spouses refuse to change while, as all the while, they are the one that need to change.
Quite often, it is our actions and reactions that influence the actions and reactions of our spouses. So when we change our actions and the way we react to the actions of our spouses, our marriages will take a new shape.
I listened to one Pastor Chidiebere Makuachukwu of Winners Chapel preach a message, in that message, he shared a story, about a woman who came to him crying, saying that her husband was a monster and that her marriage was hell on earth.
After counseling her, the same woman after some months met the man of GOD but this time with a different story, “I didn’t know that my husband was a loving and caring man” said the woman.
One may be wondering what the Pastor did that transformed the marriage of that woman? According to the Pastor, he pointed out to the woman things she was doing that she need to stop and things that she was not doing that she needed to do. That is, he pointed certain areas she needed to affect changes in her marriage.
The result was that the moment the woman affected those changes; there was equally a dramatic change of her husband. Her husband turned from being a monster to be a loving and caring husband. This point is an obvious fact; it is our actions that determine the actions of our spouses.
Another example, there was this man I met in his office some time ago, I noticed that the man was not happy that morning and from my interactions with the man I found out that he literally raped his wife in the early morning of that day.
According to the man, his wife refused to yield to all his se*ual advances and plea that he got fed up and decided to force himself on his wife. I told him that what he did was wrong that I will call it a rape even though they say that a man cannot rape his wife.
I told him that there is no smoke without a fire that there is something he was doing that made the wife not to be interested in having s*x with him.
After a section with the man, he came to realize that there are many things he was doing in his marriage which he doesn’t suppose to while he failed to do certain things he supposes to do.
That evening, the man bought a flower on his way home and when he arrived home and for the first time he called his wife to apologize to her for what he did to her in the morning as well as other things he used to do.
That evening, he took her out for a date nearby a joint. When they come back in the night, they took their bath and went to bed. Do you know that while they are on the bed, it was the woman who reminded the man that if he is still interested in having s*x that she was ready for him? According to the man, he enjoyed s*x that night more than he used to enjoy s*x with her.
You see, the change by the woman resulted from the change by the man. That is to say, that the change you desire to see in your spouse is determined by your own change because most a time, it is our own actions that influence the actions of our spouses.
That is why it is wrong for you to wait endlessly praying that your spouse to change. No, it is you that need a change and once you affect the desired change, you will see that your spouse will automatically have a change, this is a proven fact.
In our marriages, areas that we need to affect changes that may end up transforming our marriages for the better are as follows:
One area that couples need to change is their intimacy and communication with each other. Some couples don’t have time for each other. If you will affect a change by creating some quality time to spend with your spouse.
You will surely see the transformation that will take place in your marriage. Intimacy is what is lacking in many marriages.
Secondly, couples need to Practice forgiveness: Often, holding resentment and grudges against our spouses is what brings about some of the negative actions and reactions against our spouses.
If we will change and forgive and forget whatever grudges we hold against our spouses, we will see our marriages change for the better. When we change our attitude, it will equally change the actions and reactions of our spouses.
What about satisfying our spouse se*ually? Some women are mostly guilty. Some use satisfying their husbands se*ually as a weapon or bargaining chips to force their husbands to do their bidding.
Of a truth, if you will change and stop attaching any condition to satisfying your husband se*ually, you will see that he will equally change and start to think of pleasing you as well.
Finally, stop waiting for your spouse to change certain actions and lifestyles, rather, change the way you react to his or her actions. If you will positively change the way you react, you will observe that he/she will automatically change without his or her knowing it.
In summary, you are holding the master key that opens the door of success or failure of your marriage, as your marriage is as good or bad as you make it.
When you change your actions and reactions, it will automatically change the actions and reactions of your spouse.
Until I come your way again, stay committed to your marriage. Shalom.