Today, if you look all over the world over, you will observe that some notable men and women have failed marriages. The Late Mandela, perhaps one of the best-known leaders in Africa, had a failed marriage before his death.
What of the royal marriage of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, their marriage had been history. In this post, we shall be examining the root causes of failed marriages. Also, some years ago, the newspaper [dailymail.co.uk], a popular newspaper in Britain, carried the news that Russian President Vladimir Putin had confirmed his divorce from his wife of 30 years.
Also, in the year 2016, it went wild on the net and in newsprint that a popular Preacher from Nigeria, Pastor Chris to be precise had his marriage failed as his wife of many years had divorced him. Yes, all these marriage failures cut across every sphere of our society as popular and unpopular, rich/wealthy and poor, in fact, there are many high-fliers in our society whose marriages are failures.
This goes to confirm the saying that “you can be very successful in your career or live endeavors, but be an awful failure in your marriage”. This post is to join the Bible warnings which can be seen in 1Corinthian 10:12, which says, “Therefore let him who thinks he stands to take heed lest he falls”.
In other words, the above verse is a warning that we should be careful with our own marriage because what happened to these couples that resulted in their experiencing a marriage failure could happen to us.
If all these people mentioned above could have marriage failures, do you think that you are totally immune from marriage failure? This calls for caution with the way we handle and run our marriage. So, we should learn from those who had failed marriages.
In this segment, therefore, we shall be looking at some root causes of marriage failures, we should try to avoid preventing our own marriage from being a failure as well.
In the first instance, the first cause of a failed marriage is taking our spouses for granted: Those who took their spouse for granted can do anything with reckless abandon, not minding the feelings of their spouse.
It is such couples who can easily jump into bed with another man or woman in extra-marital affairs without any iota of guilt. And of a truth, infidelity is more often than not the number one cause of marriage failures.
The second known cause of marriage failure is unresolved conflicts and misunderstandings: There are couples who allow conflicts and misunderstandings between them to linger for so long unresolved and as a result, this leads to cracks in their marriage.
It is, therefore, necessary that couples should not allow any conflict or misunderstanding to linger for so long unresolved. Once couples notice any crack in their marriage, they should try to fix it immediately such crack and should avoid allowing it to linger for so long.
When I talk about crack, I mean misunderstandings, conflicts, and little quarrels that are allowed to linger in our day-to-day living in our marriages.
The next root cause of failed marriages is when love between couples is allowed to get soured: Love is the bedrock and oil that lubricates any marriage, but unfortunately, some couples out of negligence allow the love between them to get soured.
Therefore, couples who don’t wish to experience failed marriage should endeavor never to allow love for each other to get soured. Of a truth, I have never seen couples who have a deep love for each other whose marriage will end in divorce.
It is only when love for each other get soured that other negative things begin to follow, which are conflicts that could lead to divorce.
Another known root cause of a failed marriage is when couples fail to practice forgiveness in their marriages: I have never seen any marriage of couples who finds it difficult to forgive each other that will ever be a success.
In fact, I learned something valuable from Bishop Oyedepo David of Winners Chapel International about what he calls “advance forgiveness”. That is to say, forgiving our spouse in advance, even before an offense is committed.
To practice forgiveness in advance means that couples should never harbor offenses against each other. In other words, you should ensure that you don’t keep a diary of offenses done to you by your spouse. I once intervened in the crisis of a couple, and the wife of that man took more than two minutes to recount all the bad things her husband had been doing to her.
Equally, the man himself took almost the same number of minutes to recount the bad things his wife had done to him. At the end of listening to them, I demanded to see the dairies where they had recorded these offenses and I found out that none of them had any physical diary, but all the recordings were in their brain.
After they recounted all these offenses, I told them that their problem was their keeping malice against each other and their failure to forgive one another.
Once couples could stop keeping records of offenses against each other, and as well as start practicing forgiveness to each other, real love for each other will start to improve. And with the improvement of love for each other by that couple, the crises in their marriages totally disappeared.
One other root cause of failed marriages is selfishness on the part of spouses: It is obvious that some couples are in marriage relationships for the very reason of what to grab from the marriage relationship, not minding whether they are giving out anything.
Once such couples failed to get those things they desire and expect from their spouses, conflicts are bound to result. Also, another way that selfishness manifests itself in a marriage is to stick to one’s points of view, not minding the effect of such a view on their spouse or marriage.
That is the very reason you normally hear couples cite the reasons for their marriage failure as “irreconcilable differences”. What could cause irreconcilable differences if not selfishness?
Finally, in this segment, lack of commitment to one another and to one’s marriage is also another root cause of failed marriages: Most often, it is a lack of commitment to one’s spouse and marriage that makes some couples lose their partner and marriage.
It is necessary that couples should vow never to allow other men or women to snatch their wives or husbands. In conclusion, if you don’t allow in your marriage any of the points mentioned above which had caused some marriages to fail, your own marriage will never fail. So I encourage you to stay committed to your marriage and never allow it to fail. Shalom!.