Often, the question that is normally asked is whether it is normal for couples to argue? My answer is yes, it is perfectly normal for couples argue because they are two different individuals that are joined together in a marriage union, so they are bound to have times of conflicts of interests or views.
However, when we are talking about arguments with couples, we are not referring to barking at each other violently, but rather gently expressing one’s own view without interrupting the other person when he or she is speaking.
Moreover, we should realize that it is not the conflict per se that sinks a marriage relationship, but rather it is how the conflicts or disagreements are handled.
Whenever conflicts are poorly handled, it often leads to quarrels and a fight. It is this negative and destructive behavior that has the potential to cause great harm to a relationship and to the individuals involved.
This is an obvious fact; it is constructive arguments that bring the best out of couples. Couples who don’t argue, it means that one of them is a “yes member” and could be a “dummy”, and has no input in their relationship.
There are men who don’t allow their wives to voice their opinion on issues that affect their marriages. There are also women who voice out their views and oppositions and insist on having their way. These are two extreme ends.
Moreover, couples should know that it is conflicts that help them to adjust to each other adequately. I tell you the truth when couples have adjusted adequately to each other, they will observe that they will be two people of like minds.
For instance, I am enjoying the best time in my own marriage today because my wife and I are well-adjusted to each other. We don’t allow our personal interests to come above our marriage relationship, and we are like-minded.
That is why on many occasions, I asked her to take decisions concerning certain issues in our marriage, and her decisions used to be exactly the way I have them in mind.
Good conflict management is really essential if you are to enjoy a successful and exciting marriage, and you can never manage your conflicts very well if you are not willing and ready to compromise.
If you see two dogs playing, you will observe that they fall for each other and as such, they all come out the winner and happy.
In reality, it is when couples fail to manage their conflicts very well that you will hear such phrases as” the problem with our marriage is irreconcilable differences”.
You can never have irreconcilable differences if you are ready and willing to compromise for each other and for the sake of your marriage.
Couples who say they have irreconcilable differences are self-centered or selfish. So as a woman, your husband has the final authority, this is the way God made it.
So, it is wrong for you to insist on having your way on any issue. Also, as a man, it is wrong of you to insist always on having your way without carrying your wife along, and you should always consider her views and feelings.
Also in any conflict or argument, if your spouse compromises, by allowing your own views to stand, you should never have this mind of trying to see yourself as a winner and your spouse as a loser because, in good conflict management, everyone should come out a winner and a loser.
Woman, you should realize that the reason your husband may at times refuse to compromise is that he may regard such compromise to undermine his ego and authority.
If you want to enjoy your husband to the fullest, then you should never do anything that will hamper or undermine his ego.
You should realize that your husband’s ego is punctured when you abuse him. For some men, one way they fought to regain their punctured egos are by beating their wives.
And apart from men who are drunkards and beat their wives under the influence of alcohol, most men beat their wives as a result of the abuse from their wives.
Moreover, most conflicts in some marriages are the result of the punctured ego of some men. In other words, some conflicts are the result of transferring aggression from the man.
As a woman, if you want to enjoy your husband, then learn to identify when the ego of your husband is down and do everything to boost it rather than helping to deflect it the more.
A man’s ego is deflected when you start to compare him with some other men, to try to remind him of some of the responsibilities he was not able to take care of.
I know a man, he was literally weeping when I met him one evening. The man told me that he feels like dying, that there is nothing he is doing on earth.
I took the man home and after probing what could be the cause, I found out that the problem was with the wife.
His wife had told him that he was not a real man; she went on to mention many things real men do for their families. The man’s ego was totally deflected by reason of the woman’s words.
Realizing that what the woman said was true, he first gave the woman some punching before he left his house devastated as he was telling himself that he was not a real man.
So learn never to join to deflect your husband’s ego because there are lots of conflicts that result from it.
Also, as a man, you should avoid having a bloated ego that will not allow you to carry your wife along in taking decisions.
I said this because there are men who because of their bloated egos don’t allow their wives to talk and as a result, some couples have maladjustment in their relationship.
As I said couples who have maladjustment could never enjoy their marriage to its fullness.
Until I come your way again, stay committed to your marriage and ensure that you manage very well every conflict that may arise in your marriage relationship. Shalom.
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