This is the second part of our discourse on the topic, “my dear, you don’t need to end that troubled marriage, you can fix it”. This part two is the continuation, so I hope that you have read part one for a better understanding?
If you have not read part one, please GO HERE to read it first. In part one, we discussed what causes some marital crises which could eventually crash some marriages, and equally saw some ways such marital crises could be prevented or fixed.
In this segment, we shall be looking at more causes of marital crises that often cause some marriages to end, especially ending in divorce. Talking about divorce, you will observe that in our society, divorce cases are increasing at an alarming rate.
Frequently, if you listen to some couples going for divorce or who divorced, most of them cite a situation of irreconcilable differences. That is to say that irreconcilable differences are one of the major causes of divorce or marriage failures in our society today.
We shall therefore in this post be looking at the phrase “irreconcilable differences”, what causes irreconcilable differences and how to fix them to restore troubled marriages.
Some months ago, I heard that one friend of mine was ending his marriage in divorce and that he and his estranged wife are currently living apart.
After hearing about it, I made an effort how to stop the divorce, so I invited them to my office the same day though a different time. The woman came first, and I interacted with him or interviewed her on the main cause of their marital crises before I asked her to wait for me in another office before her husband arrived.
When the husband finally arrived, I equally interacted with him or interviewed him of the cause he decided to end his marriage? After I brought the two of them together in my office and both flared up upon seeing each other.
From my interview with both of them, it was irreconcilable differences that they were insisting on why they want to end their marriage. Upon my plea for them to explain to me what they meant by irreconcilable differences, none of them could give me a satisfactory answer.
It was then that I confronted them that what they were referring to irreconcilable differences was nothing but a full manifestation of their individual selfishness.
I told them that it was a result of their selfishness that made each of them insist on having his/her way on certain issues. That we are all born with individual differences, and we equally came from different backgrounds. Since they are having a problem of irreconcilable differences, please the following are the major causes of it:
As said, the first is selfishness. When both couples are selfish, that results in each person insisting on having his or her way on issues, not minding how or bothering on how such issues affect their spouses.
Selfish couples, as long as they perceive that issues are favorable to them, will insist on having their way, not considering the effect of such issues on their spouses. Even if their spouses suffer loss as a result of the issue.
The couple in question, I told them that commitment and success of their marriage should be the uppermost above their individual interest.
For that reason, I gave the example of two dogs playing, and how both fall for each other. That is the solution, on any issue, there should be a little to the left and a little to the right until a neutral ground acceptable to both is arrived at.
That means that in every successful marriage, couples involved must necessarily accept to compromise for the sake of their marriage. That means that a little to the left and a little to the right will leave everybody a winner or a loser.
I told them that it is a little to the left and a little to the right that commits both partners to their marriage. In the end, there will be no more difference as both are fully involved in taking the decision.
Apart from selfishness, over-bloated ego on the part of the man is another cause of irreconcilable differences that causes marital crises.
Every man on earth has an inbuilt ego, which every woman should learn to respect. What makes a man seem to be selfish is nothing but a defense mechanism to protect his ego.
Women who know how their husbands love to try to fuel their husband’s egos rather than flatten them. For instance, in the couple in our story, one of the issues that they had irreconcilable differences, the woman’s suggestion was a better option for the family.
However, the problem was the woman’s presentation which appears as if she was forcing or commanding the man which made the man refuse it because as he said, this was to protect his ego. Women, learn how to respect your husband’s ego.
I will not end this post without mentioning women with domineering spirits. Such women seek to control their husbands and always insist on having their way on every issue.
A man with an over-bloated ego and a woman with a domineering spirit are the same as they are on the extreme. As a man, you should not, as a result of your bloated ego, take decisions that could impact negatively on your family.
The same applies to women with domineering spirits. Their pride should not cause them not to accord their husbands, their due respect or try to struggle with the man over who is the head of the family.
This is the end of part two. We will continue our discourse next in part three, so keep a date with us. I hope that you have gotten one or two things from the posts?
If yes, why not share the posts with your friends and followers on social media. I am really counting on you to share this post and other posts with your social media followers.
Until I come your way again, stay committed to fixing your marriage. Shalom!.