One major reason why there are crises in some marriages is that some couples were not handling little marriage conflicts of interests very well. When couples don’t know how to handle little conflicts of interest, they will surely be blown out of proportion.
This article is coming up as a result of the recent issue happening in Nigeria between the head of state General Mohamed Buhari and his wife Aisha. If you analyze the matter very well, you will observe that it was a minor issue that would have been handled privately without the public hearing it.
But the matter was blown out of proportion because it was not handled maturely. This issue would have been handled privately at home without the public hearing it, but instead, it was made public by Aisha.
One thing women should realize is important raw gospel truth.is that they should never challenge the authority of their husbands, especially in the public”. Generally, men tend to resist any challenge to their authority and ego, and they will do everything to secure and preserve their ego and authority.
Moreover, couples should learn to understand each other. It is then that there would be peace generally in the family. However, if couples fail to understand each other, they could implement what is working with other couples in their own marriages and that thing could crash their own marriage.
If you analyze the problem between Buhari and his wife, you will understand that the matter is a result of Buhari not allowing Aisha free hand to run her pet project like the wives of other former heads of state.
Starting with the Administration of General Babangida, he so much allowed free hands to his wife to run her pet project and equally committed enormous resources that were never accounted to her office to run that pet project.
After, the tenor of Babangida came the administration of General Abacha. Nobody heard much about his wife and her pet project until the time he died.
Then came the administration of the President Good luck, Jonathan. The wife of President Good luck Jonathan in the person of Mrs. Patience Jonathan was so vocal. Her husband committed a lot of unaccounted resources to her pet projects. As a result, she had a lot of influence on the government of her husband.
Then comes the current administration of President Mohamed Buhari. His wife in the person of Aisha failed to understand the person of her husband and that was why the problem. President Mohamed Buhari is currently crusading against corruption in the country.
In that crusade, even the wife of the immediate past head of state Patience Jonathan is being investigated and the government trying to recover some money from her.
Aisha felt that her husband did not give her a free hand to run her pet project and as well as commit enough resources to run that pet project. But President Buhari in turn. is trying to avoid his wife to be cut up in the crossfire in his war against corruption.
President Buhari is trying to avoid any element of corruption to be traced to his family. Especially through the activities of his wife. As such, he is not willing to take the chance. Moreover, Aisha herself complicated the matter or made the matter worse by opening her mouth wide to talk to the media about the issue.
Instead, she would have resolved the matter privately with her husband. Her talking to the media was a sort of confronting her husband. What she did was what some women do that is totally wrong, that is confronting her husband openly.
The confrontation with her husband was nothing but challenging the authority and ego of her husband. Remember what I said earlier, men generally try to resist any challenge to their authority and ego.
What Aisha would have done was to wait and use diplomacy to convince and persuade her husband privately, rather than the way she confronted him openly. Maybe she is thinking that the foreign Powers and media would compel President Buhari to change his mind and allow his wife a free hand to run her pet project.
Talking to women generally, especially married ones; they don’t get what they want from their husbands by doing things that could undermine their authority as well as ego. But rather, they could get the attention of their husbands by doing things that could fuel or increase their ego and authority.
For example, there was a time my wife bought clothes from the market, which she showed to me. I did not know the price of that clothes, and I didn’t bother to know the price. It happened that she went for an occasion with those clothes and was the focus of attention on that occasion.
However, after the occasion, some women asked her the cost of those clothes, but she replied that she didn’t know the prize as she claimed that I was the person who bought those clothes for her. Some women were coming to commend me, saying that I knew how to buy good clothes for my wife.
In fact, her action made me feel on top of the world on that occasion. When we got home, I asked and gave her twice the cost of those clothes. This is an example of how to fuel the ego of a man. As I was saying, the action of Aisha in talking publicly to the press made her husband equally reply to her in public.
In other words, it will take the grace of God for Buhari her husband to change and go against what he had said about that issue in the public. Moreover, what Aisha would have done was to identify the person that her husband trusts, respects, and listens to.
If she had gone to that person and the person joined her to plead with Buhari, he may have changed his mind on the issue. All that Buhari needed was for him to be convinced about that matter.
So if you have such a matter with your husband, instead of confronting him in public, you should try to use other means to persuade and convince him, not confrontation. You can use the person that has a great influence on him, the person he listens to, to convince him rather than publicly confront him.
Finally, you should allow your husband to have an input into what you want to get him to do for you. What equally is wrong with some women is taking decisions and wanting their husbands to stamp on them. This is not what is supposed to be.
If Aisha had picked say about 5 possible pet projects in other of preference and present them to President Buhari and plead with him to choose for her the one that he wants her to pursue. That problem would not have risen and Buhari would have chosen or made modifications on her own choice.
In summary, you should never challenge your husband in public because that could make him stamp his feet on the ground to prove that he is in charge or in control. Challenging him in public could puncture his ego and undermine his authority, thereby making him feel that he is not a strong man.
Until I come your way again, stay committed to your spouse and marriage and try not to challenge the authority of your husband. Shalom
image credit: http://www.northwestmarriage.org/images/marriage_conflict.png