This is the second part of our discourse on the topic, “toward building a successful and exciting marriage “. I hope that you have read part one of the series for a better understanding.
If you have not read part one, please GO HERE to read it. In part one, we looked at the need to avoid having the wrong mindset about our spouse and marriage, and also the need to have a positive attitude in our relationship with our spouse.
As we continue our discourse, in this segment, we shall look at other things that we need to do if we wish to build a successful and exciting marriage. Apart from avoiding or changing our wrong mindset and attitude about our spouse, couples must equally avoid unrealistic expectations from their spouses.
One major cause of crises in our marriages is that some couples are having unrealistic expectations from their spouse. The truth of the matter is that most of such expectations are unrealistic and cannot be met.
Often, most of the expectations can only be met by our creating the enabling environment for such expectations to be fulfilled. Without our creating an enabling environment, we should not blame our spouses for not meeting our expectations.
As a result, some couples get so frustrated and fight their spouses for their inability to meet up such expectations. Your expectations from your spouse, are you sure that yourself had created enabling environment for such expectations to be fulfilled?
In addition, couples should avoid comparing their spouses with other men or women in town. Some couples end up destroying their own identity trying to be like the person they are compared with.
Rather, couples should learn to accept their spouses for whom they really are and not on whom they are expected to be. In other words, couples must learn or totally avoid comparing their spouse with other men or women in town.
Couples who wish to build a successful and exciting marriage must learn to relate to their spouse on who their spouse really is and not on whom they wish or expect their spouse to be. That is, couples must learn to accept and celebrate their spouse as whom he/she really is.
However, as I pointed out in some earlier posts, there is the need to choose as our life partner the person we are proud of. Having gotten married to your spouse, you should appreciate God for him/her and learn to celebrate him/her. Even though he/she may not be the best, you should never start comparing him or her with other men or women in town.
It is comparing our spouses with other men or women that makes some couples begin to have some unrealistic expectations from their spouses. When a couple starts to compare his or her spouse with other men/women, he or she will start to relate to his/ her spouse on whom he/she wishes or expect his/her spouse to be rather than on whom he/she really is.
Also, as I pointed out in some other posts, couples should learn to build strong trust for each other. To build a successful and exciting marriage, couples must learn to trust each other. Couples, who don’t have trust in each other, may never enjoy a successful and exciting marriage.
In addition to having strong trust in each other, couples should try and totally avoid betraying this trust they have for each other. I wish to ask, “to what extent do you trust each other”?
Talking about trust, couples should avoid living a secretive lifestyle, as secretive lifestyles create suspicion in the minds of their spouses. An example of a secretive lifestyle that creates suspicion in the minds of our spouses has to do with how we make calls or answer incoming calls.
In other words, some couples try to hide answering incoming phone calls or making a call. There are men and women who may be sitting with their spouses, but when calls are coming, they get up to hide to answer such calls.
That shows there is something you are hiding from your spouse. To what extent are you open to each other? Can you confidently leave your handset with your spouse and expect him or her to answer calls on your behalf?
Moreover, couples who wish to build a successful and exciting marriage must be ready and willing to offer as much as they are expecting from their spouse. The problem with many couples is that they are expecting much from their spouse but they are not ready and willing to offer as much as they are expecting from their spouse.
In other words, they are expecting their spouse to satisfy them, but they are not bothered whether their spouse is satisfied or that they are satisfying their spouse. If couples learned to do things that are aimed at satisfying each other, they will observe that their marriage will be successful and exciting.
Couples must avoid or stop manipulating each other. I said something above about the need to relate to our spouse based on whom he/she is and not on whom we expect our spouse to be.
But this is not normally the case with any couples, because of their unrealistic expectation from their spouse; they are manipulating their spouse, expecting him/her to change to do their bidding.
Couples need to have a positive attitude about the fault or shortcoming of your spouse: The level you enjoy a successful marriage is determined by the way you react to the fault or shortcomings of your spouse.
In other to build a successful and exciting marriage, couples should learn never to mind the faults and shortcomings of their spouse. When you consider that you are not an angel, in other words, you have a fault or shortcomings yourself.
For that reason, you should focus more on the positive side of your spouse and not on his or her faults. The problem with some couples is that at every point in time, they are x-raying their spouse trying to find fault with him or her while ignoring their own faults or shortcomings.
As long as you are looking at the faults of your spouse, you will observe that whatever he or she does may never please you. As you can’t be pleased by his or her actions, there is no way you can enjoy a successful and exciting marriage.
But if you will celebrate your spouse as I do, you will observe that you will so enjoy a successful and exciting marriage because what seem to be shortcomings are ignored and are never allowed to come in between each other in your marriage relationship. Since you are not a perfect human being, you should never expect your spouse to be perfect.
Until I come your way again, stay committed to your marriage and learn to celebrate each other while building a successful and exciting marriage. Shalom!.